Betrayed and unhinged

Do i ever get rid of this ache?
No Darling!
You just learn to live with it…
Yes, this heaviness
I wake up with,
I go to bed with….
I can’t seem to dissolve it
Will i get a closure??
Closure is just a fancy word
For more pain…
This is why i protected her,
With a cage and a musket,
Yet she ran away….
to be exhausted to dust;
My heart!
Betrayed and broken…
Finding strength to beat a little
Everyday….
Just so the mundane duties
Are complete….
Just so the world thinks
Her smile is not unhinged….
Just so the dawn doesn’t break
Ahead of her…
Just so everything seems normal
Because, my dear
Pretend-game Is much easier….

~Sussh

The impeccable quest…

Words danced around love,
So effortlessly flawless;
Now stammering
In the middle of a battleground;
All those words now archived,
From memories to art;
Far to reach, yet the fight was easy,
Knowing your heart was so close to mine,
Now i stand in war with myself;
Thinking if iam there in your mind
Even for tenth of a second?
Or is it just me? Keeping you
Your words and your tenderness,
Your smile and your laughter,
Your sparkling eyes and the warmth of it;
Every bits of you, With me
Constantly.
Thinking, how do you not find yourself
Staring at the mirror?
Wondering when the serendipity of calmness turned cold, dark and darker;
Every morning, i rise with questions
That i shouldn’t ask;
Every night, i lie down with answers
That are perfectly wrong;
I just wish you find something you deserve,
Because for once and for sure,
Iam lost somewhere….
In this never-ending quest….

~Sussh

Will i ever again?!

I choose words,
To sooth my distraught heart,
To calm my gobbled mind,
To make peace with my pain,
Everytime i put my pen to paper,
I ask,
How is He so strong?
But then, is he really??
Because in this little time called life,
His depiction of love was the most beautiful picture,
And how,
My smile could stop the storm inside him,
My touch was enough warmth for his sleep,
My words took him to places so serene.
How will i ever take away his pain again??
How will i ever give back his heart in peace?
How will someone else know to make him smile,
The way i did…..
Again and again, how i wish the last time wasn’t the last,
Just a bad dream with tremors….
How will i ever know he is not hurting anymore???
How will i ever??
Stop him from bleeding inside….

~Sussh

No more in pain!

I fell asleep
With eyes swollen and tired,
Dull ache behind my head,
Restless body,
And Slow jumping heart….
I fell asleep not because I remembered how,
But my body gave up.
When did i travel this far in life
That i had no control
On how i felt!
There is no pain anymore.
Just an impending black wall
Everywhere i turn….
Does time heal you?
Or words?
Where do you find solace…
It doesn’t seem to be where i once found…..
I feel lost ….
Between hemisphere and tropical
Between the land and the ocean….
However…..
There is no more pain….
Just doomed in search of a purpose….

~Sussh

Meandering in dust!

Mending her broken heart,
Years from now
The hurt and pain might stay
Just because she couldn’t do anything
Anymore!
Tired of running away,
Tired of turning around,
She sat in silent darkness
With a candlelight
Hoping, atleast there is a ghost
Near her,
Holding her to say
“You are not alone”
However scary that sounds,
Her scattered dream
And all the broken piece of glass
From throat to heart
Would not be such an agony
Anymore!

~Sussh

A girl with so many thoughts!

Aimless yet I walk,
walk a long way up;
With trees beautifully waving,
Finally getting their green feathers,
Ready to fly.
Standing like giants
Below the big blue sky,
So many possibilities with rainbows!
Yet, I feel it huge and heavy on me
I cant seem to loose it,
Its everywhere, closing down.
High up the hill, i stand
With flesh, scar and heavy heart;
I stand and Stare at the happy sun,
Glowing its way to autumn.
I stand and stare.
Stare at my sand castle,
So elegant,
So tall,
So perfectly sculptured,
And i stare at it, getting washed away
By the mighty tide.
Where were you when i needed you?
When i stood at the shore
Wanting to take me with you.
But here you are holding my dreams
In sands!
I stare from up the hill!
The water
The sun
Let alone i wish the moon
Comes to save me!
Yet here I am !
Still and still!

~Sussh

Never Again!

Holding on
Like the last breathe;
Every muscle flexed down,
Not sure where it is comin from;
Exhaling slowly,
So every pain inside me
Disappears away;
Never again.
The world seems indifferent,
My eyes always full and heavy,
The blur does not walk away;
Only that sad girl
Sitting infront of a mirror,
Embracing herself
With the very last hope
Scattering away;
Never again.
Daylight too harsh,
When for months this sun
And this spring is all i wanted;
Yet, Darkness clouding
Like a blanket,
The only comfort in the face of earth;
Never ever again.

~Sussh