Do i ever get rid of this ache? No Darling! You just learn to live with it… Yes, this heaviness I wake up with, I go to bed with…. I can’t seem to dissolve it Will i get a closure?? Closure is just a fancy word For more pain… This is why i protected her, With a cage and a musket, Yet she ran away…. to be exhausted to dust; My heart! Betrayed and broken… Finding strength to beat a little Everyday…. Just so the mundane duties Are complete…. Just so the world thinks Her smile is not unhinged…. Just so the dawn doesn’t break Ahead of her… Just so everything seems normal Because, my dear Pretend-game Is much easier….
Words danced around love, So effortlessly flawless; Now stammering In the middle of a battleground; All those words now archived, From memories to art; Far to reach, yet the fight was easy, Knowing your heart was so close to mine, Now i stand in war with myself; Thinking if iam there in your mind Even for tenth of a second? Or is it just me? Keeping you Your words and your tenderness, Your smile and your laughter, Your sparkling eyes and the warmth of it; Every bits of you, With me Constantly. Thinking, how do you not find yourself Staring at the mirror? Wondering when the serendipity of calmness turned cold, dark and darker; Every morning, i rise with questions That i shouldn’t ask; Every night, i lie down with answers That are perfectly wrong; I just wish you find something you deserve, Because for once and for sure, Iam lost somewhere…. In this never-ending quest….
I choose words, To sooth my distraught heart, To calm my gobbled mind, To make peace with my pain, Everytime i put my pen to paper, I ask, How is He so strong? But then, is he really?? Because in this little time called life, His depiction of love was the most beautiful picture, And how, My smile could stop the storm inside him, My touch was enough warmth for his sleep, My words took him to places so serene. How will i ever take away his pain again?? How will i ever give back his heart in peace? How will someone else know to make him smile, The way i did….. Again and again, how i wish the last time wasn’t the last, Just a bad dream with tremors…. How will i ever know he is not hurting anymore??? How will i ever?? Stop him from bleeding inside….
I fell asleep With eyes swollen and tired, Dull ache behind my head, Restless body, And Slow jumping heart…. I fell asleep not because I remembered how, But my body gave up. When did i travel this far in life That i had no control On how i felt! There is no pain anymore. Just an impending black wall Everywhere i turn…. Does time heal you? Or words? Where do you find solace… It doesn’t seem to be where i once found….. I feel lost …. Between hemisphere and tropical Between the land and the ocean…. However….. There is no more pain…. Just doomed in search of a purpose….
Mending her broken heart, Years from now The hurt and pain might stay Just because she couldn’t do anything Anymore! Tired of running away, Tired of turning around, She sat in silent darkness With a candlelight Hoping, atleast there is a ghost Near her, Holding her to say “You are not alone” However scary that sounds, Her scattered dream And all the broken piece of glass From throat to heart Would not be such an agony Anymore!
Aimless yet I walk, walk a long way up; With trees beautifully waving, Finally getting their green feathers, Ready to fly. Standing like giants Below the big blue sky, So many possibilities with rainbows! Yet, I feel it huge and heavy on me I cant seem to loose it, Its everywhere, closing down. High up the hill, i stand With flesh, scar and heavy heart; I stand and Stare at the happy sun, Glowing its way to autumn. I stand and stare. Stare at my sand castle, So elegant, So tall, So perfectly sculptured, And i stare at it, getting washed away By the mighty tide. Where were you when i needed you? When i stood at the shore Wanting to take me with you. But here you are holding my dreams In sands! I stare from up the hill! The water The sun Let alone i wish the moon Comes to save me! Yet here I am ! Still and still!
Holding on Like the last breathe; Every muscle flexed down, Not sure where it is comin from; Exhaling slowly, So every pain inside me Disappears away; Never again. The world seems indifferent, My eyes always full and heavy, The blur does not walk away; Only that sad girl Sitting infront of a mirror, Embracing herself With the very last hope Scattering away; Never again. Daylight too harsh, When for months this sun And this spring is all i wanted; Yet, Darkness clouding Like a blanket, The only comfort in the face of earth; Never ever again.